Reclaiming Intimacy During Infertility
Trying to conceive can feel very clinical when tracking your cycle and ovulation window. Add to that not getting pregnant the first few months of even struggling with infertility for years. So many emotions of sadness, brokenness, loneliness, and hopelessness and not a lot of romantic and intimate feelings. This is why I’m so excited to welcome Renae Teel to share how to keep intimacy and romance.
No relationship is all sunshine but two people can share an umbrella and survive the storm together
I hear the anguish from so many women when it comes to ‘baby making sex’. The kind of sex that’s all about the prize and not the ride. It can start with intimate intentions and end with “hurry and get this over with!”
Things start to become too clinical, too scheduled, and start to feel more like work than fun, losing any connection, pleasure, and passion.
Temperature taking every morning, gauging ovulation, acupuncture, pill popping, timing sex, standing on your head (sort of) afterwards, doesn’t always feel sexy. It becomes an overly mechanized, stressful process of “perfect timing.”
Once this starts creeping in, conception loses the powerful union of male and female, of two human beings expressing their love for each other and sharing their united intention to bring about new life. And what’s the point if we’re losing connection with our partner and forgetting why you’re doing this in the first place.
If you’re having sex only to make a baby, and you’re shutting off the slowness, the pleasure, the connection— you’re only creating more stuckness in the one area of your body that you want to be free flowing, your sacral chakra, your womb space.
It’s not too late to shift this! It’s possible to create a beautiful experience creating a baby and bring back the intimacy that you used to have, and allow it to reach even new levels.
I’m going to share a few ways to bring back the connection, pleasure, passion, and fun.
Slow down, come back to your body and inject more sensuality
Perfectly timed baby-making sex leads to you’re thinking, let’s getting it over with, laying with your hips elevated afterwards, doing all the things to make sure this time finally works, your partner feels this and the disconnect between you two. If you’re not present and in your body, its not feeling good for either of you.
Take some time during your day to be more present with yourself and come back into your body. Many of us spend most of our day in our heads, unaware of our body and what she’s trying to tell us.
Maybe it’s something like taking some time after your shower to use your favorite moisturizer or oil to apply slowly going over each body part with gratitude and infusing some sensuality into.
Maybe it’s making something special for dinner and eating without the tv or other distractions, being fully present.
What does it look like for YOU?
Take some time to feel into how you can bring more slowness and pleasure into your day.
When you’re feeling present, you’ll be oozing with radiance and be so magnetic to your partner. He’ll feel this and he’ll be able to be more present as well.
This also activates our Feminine energy, allowing us to be more open and receptive not only to more pleasure, but a spirit baby will be so happy hopping into a home full of love and presence.
Bring back the connection
Connect to what brought you together in the first place. Why did you fall in love with each other?
What excites you about the life you’re creating together?
What do you enjoy doing together?
I challenge you to let go of all of the rules of timing and scheduling sex for 30 days. Stop using the ovulation tracker and come back to enjoying the process. I hear so many crazy old wives tales and ideas of when the best time to have sex is, and honestly having sex all month long is a great idea for him and for you. For him, regular sex can be beneficial especially if there are any sluggish or abnormal sperm. Regular sex helps to ship them on out and make way to create new and more high quality sperm.
For you, regular sex gives your reproductive organs exercise and increases blood flow to nourish your organs. Many women can ovulate at different times of the month anyways, so more sex can only be beneficial.
I know you may be cringing at the thought of letting go of scheduling everything, but just come back to having fun and allowing this to be a pleasurable experience and allowing your baby to be created by love, not a stressful and mechanized schedule.
Conscious Conception & Sacred Sexuality
I can’t think of a more beautiful way of calling in your baby than practicing conscious conception and sacred sexuality. To honor the power, beauty, and balance of male and female sexual energies. The balance of yin and yang, of night and day, and of earth and sun are all metaphors for the perfect whole that results from the union of male and female.
To me, true lovemaking is coming together to give, and to create union with each other, becoming one with your partner.
Express your feelings around conception with your partner, and fully support them with where they are in the journey, allowing it to strengthen your relationship.
Create a ritual. This could be a daily prayer, meditation, or just sitting and connecting with your baby in spirit. I felt so connected to my babies in spirit and felt guided to what they needed from me to feel safe before incarnating.
take time to journal about sex: When it comes to feeling shut down around sex, what emotion comes up? What emotion feels unexpressed?
How can you get more intimate with yourself? With your partner?
What else comes up around this?
What are you truly desiring right now? It could be anything!
I know that this can feel like a heavy season, especially for those of you who have had a long journey. Allow the feelings to come up, this is where the healing comes. Use this time before having a baby to get to know yourself and your partner at an even deeper level. This really can be a beautiful season of preparation and sacredness.
Renae Teel is a Certified Nutritionist, Feminine Flow Coach, and Creatress of The Radiant Mama School. She works with women in all phases of Motherhood with Preconception Cleansing and supporting Mothers in creating conscious families. She came to this work after healing Endometriosis through Nutrition & Emotional work and is passionate about helping other women. She is the Mother to a spirited 7 year old girl and 2 little boys ages 4 and 2.