Supporting Your Partner During Infertility
Deciding to start a family is exciting but after a few months of negative pregnancy tests, doubts start to creep in. You’re at a crossroads. opening up to support your partner during or putting up a wall and pretending everything is okay.
Starting a family is a special time. You probably thought you and your partner would enjoy a closer bond. Instead, the stress, fear, and devastation of not being able to get pregnant creates a barrier. Your romantic relationship becomes a clinical process of timing, doctors, and temperature taking. How can you get the support you need, support your partner needs, and maintain the fun, love, and joy in your relationship?
That’s what this post is all about because your emotional wellbeing is very important. In fact, it is so important I consider it one of the three pillars of nourishing your PCOS hormones to health.
Deciding how to proceed as a couple
The conversations and process of exploring infertility assistance can be challenging. Try and be patient with each other as you both go through your own processing. But go ahead and start exploring some of the big questions together.
When do you both get tested? That’s right your doctor will likely recommend that both of you get an initial workup.
If offered, are you both interested in pursuing infertility treatment at this point or at some point in the future?
What about the costs of infertility treatments
As a woman, I had waited my whole life to be a mom. I used to play with my dolls as a little girl thinking about what it would be like to be a mom someday. I planned my education and career around when we could start a family, I was beyond ready!
So after several months without success, I was ready to seek help. Although my husband wanted a baby too, he wasn’t in a hurry like I was. He was concerned about starting down the path of infertility treatments prematurely. Why not just give it a little more time.
By having these hard conversations we could have gotten answers sooner. Even if we weren’t ready to start medical treatments. I could have started the natural methods that later led to our first daughter, while we continued the next step conversation.
Plan for emotional turmoil
Choosing fertility treatments comes with its own emotional rollercoaster. It’s important to prepare for the emotional turmoil of hope and disappointment that most couples face along the journey.
Create space in your schedule to care for both your partners and your emotions along the way.
For me, as I prepared my mind and psyche to undergo infertility treatments my mantra was.
“Four months from now, when I see the specialist I will be proud of my efforts to prepare. I will do my best to be in the best physical and mental health possible to face whatever is coming.”
My husband got on board with this approach and we created a season in our life of doing health together. Taking time to prepare fresh healthy foods and doing cardio together. We also planned some distraction weekends to explore new places.
We gave ourselves a baby-making “break” to focus on getting healthy physically and emotionally for what lay ahead. These four months resulted in getting pregnant with our oldest daughter. But even if it hadn’t the foundation we were building would have been invaluable to cope with ovulation meds, IUIs and IVF.
Keeping your relationship fun
Whether you are thinking about pursuing fertility treatments, a natural route, or both finding time to enjoy life is crucial!
What did you use to enjoy doing together when you first met? What are some of the things you’ve always wanted to do? Pre-kids is a great time to fit these in. And a great way to find joy and fun while you are waiting.
Your sex life may be suffering from “trying to conceive stress”. At first, whispering, “Let’s make a baby” can be a turn on. After months of trying, it’s the last thing either of you wants to say or hear.
I admit it is impractical to ask a woman who wants a baby to not track her schedule. Plus I highly recommend tracking because it helps improve the healing process of PCOS.
Here are two ways to maintain the fun and closeness in your intimate relationship even while repairing your fertility.
First, consider Ovusense. It allows you to track easily and ultimately lets you detach from the data and only evaluate it when you want to.
Second and most importantly invest in your partner. Do kind things for each other, plan fun outings, events, getaways, or moments to connect. This will naturally lead to plenty of baby-making and feel way less clinical.
Sometimes partners struggle to understand themselves, much less understand each other. That’s where a little extra help comes in.
I wish we had considered and gotten help for my husband and me earlier. We eventually ended up in counseling but it would have been so much easier and less painful to seek help sooner. Think of it as preventative care for your marriage.
I also wish I had someone in my corner to help me figure out my hormones and health. I could have rebalanced my hormones sooner without the emotional doubt and turmoil. If you would like help please ask for help today by booking a free consultation.
The reality is, infertility struggles are hard, lonely, and full of just trying to cope. Shifting your focus to embrace the journey and practice patience with yourself and your partner will ease this trial and increase your success.
Ashlene Korcek PA-C
Hi there! I’m Ashlene Korcek, the PCOS Mama and founder of Nourished to Healthy
I help women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome balance their hormones naturally so that they can take back control of their bodies, boost their fertility, and ultimately live free from the symptoms of PCOS. Like you, I have PCOS, I was diagnosed while struggling with infertility and was told I likely would never have children. Even as a board-certified Physician Assistant I felt lost about what to do and very alone! Fast forward 5 years and I have 3 healthy children, but I never want another woman to feel lost and alone the way I did!
You can break free from the downward spiral of PCOS and feel amazing in your own skin again!
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